So lately, everyone I know is getting puppies, or has a cute dog, (or is happy with their life in general). It's getting depressing.

But I've also noticed, that I react to puppies the way normal women react to babies. And I react to a baby the way normal people would react to stepping in dog shit.

The minute I see a puppy, I turn into this baby-talking freak who wants to cuddle and snuggle, and potentially dognap.

This is all making me think that I possibly want to become a dog breeder. I love dogs, I love puppies. So my next week I plan on researching what it takes to breed dogs, costs, time, etc.

I'll also be working on a top secret project which I can hopefully share by the end of September. As for now, all I can do is ask people for luck and get at it.

I know this was a shitty little post, but it still counts. 2 days in a row. I can do this!

Every once in a while, I like to fool myself into believing that I have a real life, and that I am just too busy to post on here...

But the truth is, I'm just really bad at making commitments and sticking to them I think.

So some changes since I last posted:
- got a new job. I like it. It's retail clothing (which I am all too familiar with). It is something to pay the bills (or most of them) for now, but really I'm feeling underchallenged and enraged that I have an undergrad degree and am working retail. And am 25.
- graduated. So I'm not a student anymore. It leaves a lot of time to read and play video games and just not do school stuff. But at the same time, it makes me realize how far from true adult hood I really am.
- dated someone who I had been friends with for a while. Abruptly stopped dated said someone. It is still a sore subject and I'm really not sure what to make of it.

But all that being said, I'm still pretty much in the same boat as I was before: 25, living at home, working an unchallenging job, and single.

At this point, I'm challenging myself to post something on here each day for the next month. So hopefully I will post every day from now until September 14. I have no excuse not to, as I really don't do anything other than work, read, play video games, and sleep.

My real hope is that by making myself post, I will also make myself have a real life. As in, not just sit around the house and be a lazy bastard. Because it will be really embarrassing if for the next month all my posts are boring and/or philosophical.

So here we go. This is post #1 of 31. I can do this :)

Tomorrow kicks off my reading week, or spring break.

No wild and crazy plans though; I'm actually going to use the study break for doing actual school work, such as writing papers, reading textbooks, and general studiousness. When did I mature?

However, I will start my break with a trip to Toronto.

Heading up tomorrow after class with my lovely friend (also known as my terrible follower Shit Bag). Planning on going to the Tim Burton art exhibit at the lightbox gallery on Saturday, and hitting the town with my oldest and bestest pal Kate. You may remember her from the cardboard box-fort story.

Anyways, I'll be back Sunday night and will try to have a story or two that are interesting for you. Or perhaps my road rage will combine with Toronto traffic for a little rant. Time will tell.

Enjoy your weekends!

A good friend of mine reminded me of something important today:

I am too strong to let this get me down. I've survived way worse things, and I'm going to survive this too.

And if I start to feel like I'm sinking down, I've got a ton of great friends who are going to pull me back up and help me.

I read Jenny's blog today, and she posted an amazing video. I'm going to share it with you as well. I agree wholeheartedly with the message. The stigma attached to mental illness needs to stop. It is this stigma that is stopping us from speaking out and getting help. If more and more people "come out" and admit to the feelings of loss and despair that come along with mental illness, maybe the stigma will start to fade, which will allow more people to feel comfortable with seeking help. It's like a circle of life that is necessary for us to make a change.

So watch this video.

And remember. We aren't alone.

My name is Jessica, and I suffer from anxiety, depression, and OCD.

It's been a long time, I'm aware of this.

A lot of shit has changed since the last time I posted.

• I'm single
  
• I'm unemployed
  

Okay, so maybe not A LOT has changed. But those 2 changes are big.

For starters, Scot's still a great guy... just not the great guy for me. If he's reading this, and I'm pretty sure he will be, I wish him the best.

For the unemployed part. Holy shit. For the first time in a very long time, I feel at a loss. I'm feeling this whole gauntlet of emotions.

• I'm angry. Raging a little, in fact.
  
• I'm terrified. There are no jobs out there. I need a job to be able to afford to finish school. And I need to finish school to get a good job. Oh yeah, that's a fun catch 22 for ya.
  
• I'm sad. Truly. I really like my coworkers, and I really liked my job. And I lost both in one day. 2 days before I anticipated it.
  

Well, with unemployment, I should find more time to post. I'll try, but I make no promises.

So last night, I was scurrying around to collect my things to bring to Scot's. I was flustered, because I had 3 midterms to finish studying for, and had left everything to the last minute, like I always do.

I was pulling a stack of papers out of one of my bags and it got stuck on the strap. So I pulled harder.

When it came free, I was still pulling very hard, and the papers hit me in the eyeball. I seriously couldn't make this if I wanted to. Anyways. The long and short of it, I managed to papercut my own eye. Yep. True story.

I can't see properly out of that eye now, and am in so much pain because of it. I had to go to the doctor's this morning to get a note, because I will be missing my exam today, and two tomorrow because of this.

Oh, and I get to wear a patch… let's take a minute to let that sink in.

A PATCH!

BUT, there is a silver lining to this cloud. Because next week is our study break, I won't be making up my exams for a whole week.

First, I am aware (Thanks to Shit Bag) that I haven't posted in forever. Again, school and work make my life suck. Apologies.

So on to the blogging:

I was reading Jamie's "Getting To Know Me" post the other day. She is to blame for my apparent insanity.

See, in her blog, she mentioned Tracy Chapman, and how her and her husband danced to one of her songs on their wedding day. Now, ever since reading the post, I have been singing her song "fancy car". Both to myself and out loud to passersby.

The problem is that the only words that I know are "baby's got a fancy car." I'm about 98% sure that even these words are wrong. They are just what I think I have been hearing all these years.

I am positive that the people who have encountered me think that I am insane, because I will sing that one line and then hum a slight approximation of the tune that follows. I am sure that I am off-base in term of both the lyrics and the tune that I am humming.

Sigh.

I wish I could just keep my tendencies for insane behavior under wraps.

God, now I am not even sure that the song I am thinking of is indeed by Tracy Chapman. I am even more self-conscious about this than ever. But I will likely keep singing it to myself and my poor unsuspecting neighbors.

*UPDATE*

So I broke down and looked up the song. I was right. The song isn't FANCY car, but FAST car. Shit.

Oh well, at least I am not as crazy as the homeless person who was shooting up on the bus the other day.

Okay so I realise it has been forever since I posted. I know that I suck at this. I have a semi-excuse though. School started and my coworker went to a conference and I had to go to school full time and work full time for the last 2 weeks. I am aware that it isn't a great excuse, but it is the one I've got. At least it is the truth.

On the topic of school: I have settled into my routine for the semester and am feeling great. We have a new mindset of a few of my profs which is that laptops should not be used in class. At first I scoffed at the idea, but after 2 weeks of taking notes laptop free, I have adopted this rule into my other classrooms as well. Low and behold, my notetaking is much more efficient and I do not get lured into the trappings of facebook and reading blogs during class. Who would have thought?

With that little bit of housekeeping taken care of, I'm going to move onto a topic that is sure to raise some eyebrows. Let me start it by making the disclaimer that these are my opinions, and I really do not mean to offend, I'm really just trying to find some outlet to vent. By all means if you have any concerns, shoot me an email at fitsofgenius@live.com

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

It is a controversy that everyone from top American politicos to Lady Gaga herself are talking about. I thought that since it is receiving so much media attention I should make myself an educated opinion on the topic. Mainly because if it comes up in a social setting, I want to A.) not look misinformed B.) not just sprout off the shit thrown at me by the media and C.) look smarter than my friends. Sadly, the latter is the main reason.

So here is my opinion:

Being gay does not affect your ability to protect your country's beliefs, rights, freedoms, etc. It simply means that you are attracted to, fall in love with, engage in intercourse with, and/or have relations with a member of the same sex. It baffles me that a policy based on such fear and misunderstanding could have carried on for such a long time. I really just don't get it.

Usually when there is an issue of debate, I can at least see where the side opposing me is coming from and respect their opinion. But in this case, I really just cannot see it or understand it. From all that I am discovering, the arguments for DADT are largely fear-based/hate-based.

I believe that if a person (male, female, gay, straight, bisexual, polyamourous, monogamous, black, white, brown, etc.) is willing to put their life on the line for the sake of their nation, they should be accepted. I see a lot of the people who support DADT who sit at home on their safe, fat asses instead of doing what these brave souls are willing to do. As long as they meet the physical standards required of a soldier, they should be allowed to serve. The three words "I am gay" should have no effect.

A friend posted this on his facebook yesterday, and I couldn't believe how much it said exactly what I was thinking:

In death, we are all the same. If a soldier dies for their country, nothing else should really be discussed. This person is a hero, plain and simple. It reminds me of a proverb we learned in a class once "At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go back into the same box." In death, we are all equal. And for a soldier willing to go to battle, death is a very real possibility.

The military should adopt a simply Don't Ask policy. No one should be forced to reveal their sexuality to anyone, but if they do choose to do so, they should be embraced and welcomed... not discharged from duty. It is a human rights issue at heart for me. No matter what your sexuality is, you should have the same right as any other human. Plain and simple.

I have a cat named Agatha. Hearing that name, you're probably picturing an evil old lady who chases kids off of her lawn with a broom and possibly practices witchcraft or voodoo of some sort. That would be my cat if she were human.

We "inherited" her from my grandmother. I put that in quotations because my grandmother isn't dead. She'll probably out live us all. But she moved from a farm house to a little condo about 5 years ago and the condo she moved into doesn't allow pets. We aren't exactly cat people, but felt bad that a cat would be put down or left homeless when she didn't do anything to deserve it.

The thing about Agatha is that she didn't exactly do anything to deserve our love either. She was very much a barn cat: hunting animals (including a rabbit that was almost her size), living in woodsheds, and coming and going as she felt like.

I don't have a lot of experience with cats, but from what I've learned I have concluded that ginger cats (my nephew calls them marmalade cats) are all evil. Agatha is no exception.

She has by far to most evil sounding meows I have ever heard. Even when she is happy she still sounds like a demon is trapped in her throat. Not normally that bad, but she also has taken a fondness to what I call "singing." What she actually does is makes these haunting moans that sound like her trapped demons are trying to escape.

She is also a little aggressive. And by a little, I mean she could probably take George St. Pierre in a fight. Back when she lived in the wood shed, she would hide atop the pile and take a swat at unsuspecting people walking by her. My poor old dog used to take the brunt of her abuse. Now Prince was skittish to begin with, but he was downright terrified of her. When she first moved in with us, he would not go out into the yard unaccompanied if she was outside of our shed which she now lives in. Before anyone freaks out about her living in a shed, we have tried to bring her inside – she doesn't like it. It is an insulated shed with electricity and heat – my dad spends the majority of his time in there with her. I digress.

We have tried to figure out how old she is, but no one can do it. All I know is that she had been at my grandmother's for as long as I can remember; my sister swears that she was there before I was born and I am now 24. On top of that, she didn't come to my grandmother's as a kitten. Our best guesses put her at around 26 years old. And she still hunts, sings, and can be a complete bitch.

The strange thing about this is that she is still lovable. My parents and I all love her to pieces. Despite her constantly meowing her demon yowl and keeping everyone awake at the cottage because she is nocturnal and enjoys putting on a concert at three am.

The catholic part of me fears being so close to the spawn of Satan though.

That's right. Just said it.

So today, I went to campus to do a few errands. Mainly, I wanted to pick up my student loan, because I need that shit to pay tuition. I need to pay tuition to keep the school from breathing down my neck and reminding me that I'm a scumball that owes them money. Then I went to the city's other university to pick up my pal for a playdate. While driving on these campuses, I was reminded that University students can be completely clueless when it comes to being responsible adults.

What has really been pissing me off is that these people are pedestrians. I am a motorist. In the game of pedestrian versus motorist, the motorist wins.

Here's the problem I face: I don't think that pedestrians should have to wait too long to cross the road, so I like to stop and let them cross. What I hate, no wait... what I fucking despise is the fact that pedestrians somehow don't understand that when they step out in front of a car that is moving, it can be impossible to stop your car on a dime. Especially when the pavement in wet. You are in university. You are supposed to be our country's best and brightest. Yet you have forgotten the childhood lesson of looking both ways before you cross the damn road! Honestly can't express how pissed I am about it.

While I was on campus I also renewed my student card. Our school doesn't allow us to have the same card for more than five years. Apparently it isn't common for an undergrad student to take beyond 5 years to graduate, because when I approached the desk, she asked if I was a graduate student. When I told her no, she looked at me like I was a complete idiot. Well if you were trying to make me feel like one, mission accomplished!

God these 8 months just can't end soon enough.